wedding planning advice

The Mathematics Behind Planning a Wedding

0 · Feb 18, 2016 ·

Ever noticed how many numbers are involved in wedding planning? The realization hit home again this morning after weeks of catching up on the accounting and the nasty side of running a business…and taxes. Ugh.

BHLDN Table Number | Wedding Planning Tips | The Day's Design | Clary Pfeiffer Photography

Photography: Clary Pfeiffer Photography

From an entrepreneurial standpoint, this seems obvious and expected when you own and operate a small business. But I started thinking about this from a bride’s perspective too. There are centerpiece calculations, seating chart dilemmas, invitation orders, meals, bridal attendants, amount of alcohol consumed, seats and modes of transportation and then the really obvious number quandary – the dreaded budget.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg and perhaps one of the reasons that planning a wedding is so difficult. So much of it is left to chance, predictions and mathematical calculations.

‘If Grandma Betty contributes $5,000 and Papa Joe gives us $2,000 plus we can add $8,000 from our savings and Mom and Dad said they’d contribute as much as they did for my brother’s wedding (whatever that amount was!?) And then if we invite 150 guests, maybe 125 will show up so we can expect to pay for only 125 meals but then we have to feed our vendors so that’s an extra 10 meals but only alcohol for 125, yet there could be as many as 15 minors there so maybe we will have more to spend on wine because there should only be 110 people drinking. And then do those tables seat 8 or 10 guests? Maybe we can have less centerpieces which will allow us to put more towards a ceremony arbor. But Aunt Susie can’t be sitting next to Uncle Bert which will mean we can only have 7 people at that table… Should we order enough cake for all our guests? Does everyone even like cake? Do we rent the same amount of chairs for the ceremony and the reception – I heard lots of guests only come for the reception and my wedding party will be standing up anyway. Or can the catering staff just move the chairs from one place to another for us? And what vendors do we tip and are there expected percentages? Who’s going to take my 65 miscellaneously collected vintage containers home at the end of the night? And how many wedding presents can I really fit in my car…’

If that has you just a tiny bit mind boggled, know that I barely scratched the surface of all the numbers and logistics that needs to be walked through before your wedding celebration can flow seamlessly, or at least with very few hiccups involved.

As I wrote this, I started having flashbacks to this Father of the Bride moment (which is without doubt, the best wedding planning movie ever) and it’s no wonder that George Banks has a mental breakdown.

My advice? Get rid of the superfluous buns. Hire a planner. Relieve stress. And I need to hire an accountant.

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Tips for Traditional Church Weddings

0 · Feb 9, 2016 ·

White Chapel Wedding | The Day's Design | Cory Weber Photography

Photography: Weber Photography

There’s time honored tradition that goes along with getting married in a church. It’s a humble beginning and a way to start your lives together with a God centered marriage.

However, more and more couple are choosing to get married in wide open spaces with nature as their backdrop. That doesn’t mean the ceremonies have to be any less religious or meaningful, but there is a certain charm that’s lacking. It’s just not how Grandma would have done it.

I understand. I’m a visual person and love planning ceremonies in pretty places. I too opted for beautiful surroundings rather than honoring tradition. So how can you find the best of both worlds?

Every now and then I pass a darling little white chapel and dream of what it looks like on the inside. It’s so picturesque. Occasionally I’m even able to peak in the windows or find images online. Usually I’m disappointed. So many times they’ve been updated with blue industrial grade carpeting or the old wooden pews have been replaced by something a little plusher. And on top of that, sometimes these little churches are small and seat under 100 guests, without bridal suites or even a classroom to take over for primping. In compromise, perhaps plan you ceremony on the steps of a chapel with the building as your backdrop. Set chairs on the lawn and you can have the best of both worlds.

Other churches are much more modern to start with. They don’t have windows, pews or any qualities really that brides today seek in their wedding photos. It’s not the church’s fault. They’re meant to be places of worship, not photo backdrops.

So if you are planning church nuptials, or saying I do in any indoor setting, here are a few ideas to keep in mind:

Lighting – make sure your photographer is properly equipped to work in a potentially dark space. Also understand that if you hire a natural light photographer, the ceremony pictures might not be as airy and luminescent as other images in their portfolio.

Décor limitations – many churches and indoor spaces tend to have many décor restrictions. Flowers can’t always be placed highly visual areas. Candle use might be restricted. And often aisle runners aren’t allowed.

Other Restrictions – other churches, especially Catholic and various formal settings, have policies in place limiting photography. Photographers and videographers occasionally are restrained to certain areas and banned from places like balconies and the front pews. They also may require you to use their minister and have set ceremony and rehearsal times.

As with planning any wedding ceremony, the focus should be on representing your relationship. Décor should aim to accent the beauty that naturally exists in the space and remember that no matter where you host your celebration, at the end of the day, the important thing is that you’re married.

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Married in a Month

0 · Dec 30, 2014 ·

Photography: Katie Grace Photography | Floral Design: The Day’s Design

Happy Engagement Season! So cheesy, right? But I read somewhere that nearly 40% of all proposals that take place each calendar year happen between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. And if that weren’t crazy enough, there’s another big burst ready to happen as soon as Valentine’s strikes.

This means that wedding vendors (myself included) are getting bombarded with inquires and people trying to plan their weddings – some for this year, and some for next – because it really depends on the individual as to how much time they need to plan their wedding.

Which brings me to my next point, how much time do you need? I know I’ve touched on this subject before (you can read that post here), but earlier this year I worked with a bride that decided she didn’t really know what tomorrow might bring so, forget the long engagement, let’s get married next month (she also happened to be my sister… eep, that was challenge #2!) . For real.

How in the world do you make that happen!?

First and foremost, develop a plan and stick to it. There’s no room for second guessing yourself or changing your minds. Have a few ideas of what you want your wedding to look like, feel like and the overall formality levels but remain just a little flexible.

Hopefully this spontaneous event is on the skirt or off season for weddings. This will be so helpful. Finding vendors a year out is tricky enough, but a month out? Well that’s a whole new can of worms. Remain flexible and open to recommendations from vendors who might be already booked but know someone with a similar style or budget.

Find a venue ASAP. You have to get invitations or you won’t have any guests. And it’s rather difficult to send out invites if you don’t have a location. Most weddings planned on such a short notice have a smaller guest count and tend to be more casual, so consider what’s really important to you. Will a restaurant or bed and breakfast do? Do you need a place for a DJ and dancing? Can the ceremony and reception take place in the same spot?

Stay away from diy projects. They’re tricky enough when you have 9 -18 months to complete them, but on such short notice you’re just asking to be stressed out.

Find a planner. Seriously. I’m giving you a sales pitch here but they can save you so much wasted time and frustration. If for nothing else, hire them on an hourly basis for consulting and let them steer you in the right direction.

Pray that you can find a dress off the rack. We can’t have you walking down the aisle in your pj’s. However lots of department stores also offer bridal selections, or at least formal white or ivory gowns that can be ordered and arrive within a weeks’ time. You’re going to have to give up the dream of a custom, couture gown. Sorry.

So what do you think, is a quick engagement right for you? At the end of the day, you’re married and that’s the most important thing. You’ve found the man of your dreams now you just have to figure out how to pair the perfect wedding with him.

How to be an Amazing Bridesmaid

0 · Nov 11, 2013 ·

As the holidays approach, it means engagement season is just around the corner. Engagement season? Yes!! That magical span of months which bring romantic evenings, warming your toes by the fire and lots of new sparkly bling. Just watch your social media feeds, you’re about to get bombarded!

Maybe you’re one of the lovely ladies looking for that small box under the tree, but if not, that doesn’t mean that it won’t affect you in some way. Perhaps you will be asked another question – “Will you be my bridesmaid??”

She’s your friend, you love her, and you want to party so… “Yes!!” The soon-to-be bride then starts rattling off a list of dates, ideas and itineraries… what did you just get yourself into?

Being an amazing bridesmaid means a bit more than just putting on a dress (which you may or may not like) and showing up a couple hours before the wedding for some extra pictures. Your responsibilities last throughout the engagement period, which may last anywhere from 6 months to 3 years, so be prepared.

Photo by Bradley James Photography

You are now the bride’s backbone and support. You have become a sounding board for all wedding planning ideas. Stay interested and involved, soak up all these wedding planning tips, your turn might just be next!

Being a bridesmaid can also be a costly endeavor. You may be asked to purchase shoes, jewelry and accessories in addition to your dress. The bride may request that you have your hair and make-up professionally done. Tack a nail appointment on top of that. And then prior to any of this, there are showers (possibly multiple), which require planning and gifts and the bachelorette party. You are expected to be present with a present. Oh, and don’t forget about possible travel fees. Make sure you budget accordingly.

Can’t make it to one of these occasions? It is okay, life happens, but the bride needs to know you’re thinking about her. Send your gift with someone else. Call that night to see how everything went. Plan a special lunch date for just the two of you to give her the shower gift. Whatever you do, don’t just blow it off. It might just be another shower to you, but it’s really special to her and so remind her how much you love her.

I like to think of the engagement period as The Princess Months. This is the time in a girl’s life when she gets to act like a princess, and we all treat her like one as well. She can do no wrong (even if she is an absolute bridezilla), just nod and smile and make her dreams come true. Make it really special for her. Have flowers waiting at the bridal shop at her dress fitting. Send her “thinking of you” notes – I prefer snail mail. Or just surprise her with something special. And don’t forget to have fun!!

So make merry with your special ladies as this is a once in a lifetime celebration!!

Wedding Planning Financial Advice

0 · Oct 18, 2013 ·

A couple weeks ago Credit Card Insider published a list of financial advice for newly engaged couples. I was asked to contribute my tips and advice to couples, along with past brides and other wedding professionals. Money can be a huge stress factor when it comes to the wedding planning process, and while they just shared one little blurb of what I had to say, here’s little more insight.

Finances are a big part of planning a wedding and often a subject that couples don’t even know how to begin to approach (Umm… Mom? Dad? Can I get a little help here?!). Normally I say that the very first step in wedding planning is setting a budget (and sticking to it!!), but I have started to shift a little from that. It doesn’t do a couple much good to set of budget of say $5,000 when they’re planning on inviting 300 guests and there isn’t a caterer in the area that will provide dinner for under $25 a plate. You’ve just blown through that budget and haven’t even fed everyone! So the budget must be realistic for your wedding market. Do a little research and find out what you should generally expect wedding vendors to cost.

Then set your budget and stick to it!

The engagement period leading up to your wedding can be a highly stressful time. You are embarking upon this journey together, planning the start of your ‘happily ever after’ and on top of that there’s money being spent in every which direction. So keep track of your spending. Many couples choose to open a special bank account used just for the wedding purchases, and when the money’s gone they are forced to stop spending.

If your budget allows, hire a wedding planner or designer who will help you come up with a cohesive and fabulous scheme for your wedding day. By having a plan (think blueprints or roadmap for your wedding) you can eliminate the urge to impulse buy. All the details you need are all written in black and white which alleviates that temptation to change your mind because you saw something cute on Pinterest. In addition, your wedding planner will help you stay accountable to your purchases. They can help you ensure you’re spending your money where it will have the biggest impact – you’ll get more bang for your buck!

The last thing on earth you want to do is go into debt financing your wedding. Know your limits. If the budget is tight, consider having a small and simple dinner party to celebrate or perhaps just a cocktail reception. Stick with what you’re comfortable with and not what others expect of you, unless of course, they’re chipping in to help foot the bill.

And have fun planning!

Photo by the fabulous Shannon Scott {Smug Shots}

How to Please Everyone on Your Wedding Day {Part 1}

0 · Apr 4, 2013 ·

Does this sound like someone you know or (gulp)…you???

“I want this color, and those flowers, and the super expensive dress with the best photographer to capture all my painstaking details, and we better hire an awesome make-up artist so my face can look perfect. And my bridesmaids, well the can wear what I tell them to wear, I don’t care if they don’t like the shoes, IT’S MY DAY!!!”

We’ve all been around that crazy bride who is so focused on every detail around “her” day that she forgets about everyone else. Dresses, shoes, hair, make-up and nails become the topic of conversation for months. She won’t stop obsessing about the hideous dress her future mother-in-law chose, or the fact that one of her bridesmaids just got an awful haircut.

Let’s step back for just a moment. I know this is your once in a lifetime day, but there are OTHER people involved too. In all your planning, have you stopped to consider their needs???

Here are some others you might want to consider on your wedding day:

The Groom:

First and foremost, the other significant member of the wedding day is the groom. While focus does tend to be more on the bride, he has a pretty significant role too. This is the man that you decided to spend the rest of your life with; I think you could share this day with him too! Is there a special detail that you can incorporate just for him?

Take a moment and ask your groom what he finds most important about his wedding day. Many guys will simply appease their brides, and let them do all the planning. But if nothing else, in my experience, he may get a little excited about the food and/or drink selection. Let him have some input there, he deserves to have a good meal.

Let’s face it, there is more to your man than his belly, he may have emotions on his wedding day too. Make sure your photographer captures that first look, whether the first time he sees you is during your walk down the aisle, or if you have a special time to capture that moment before the ceremony. Some grooms have strong opinions on when this “first look” should be, so make sure you ask him.

The Parents:

Have you stopped to consider how your parent’s and other family members are going to feel? There are so many emotions to discover, but most of all, their baby is getting married! It is so easy to get caught up in those little details, what color the mother of the bride or groom should wear and how they should wear their hair, etc.

The bottom line is the mothers want to feel beautiful too. The last thing they need is to be forced into a dreadfully dated mother-of-the-bride’s dress, they’re already having to come to the realization that they’re old enough to have a child getting married. Let the ladies feel their best.

Your parents are also stressing. Daddy wants to make sure that his little girl is getting her dream wedding, and that the groom is good enough for his princess. Daddy is more than a checkbook during this process. While he may stand back and not say too much, I’m sure he’s thinking lots. He’s giving is little girl away!

Your family has watched you grow from a teeny little baby into the adult you are now. They have seen you take your first breathe, your first step, your first date and now “I do”. Be respectful of this during your planning process and consider their needs.

The Wedding Party:

Odds are your wedding party is pretty excited to be a part of your day. They are ready to party and celebrate with you! However, being part of a wedding can become a costly endeavor.

Consider how much money you are asking your wedding party to spend. For the ladies, there’s the bridesmaids dress, the shoes, jewelry, hair and make-up, not to mention they threw you an awesome shower and bachelorette party! For the gentlemen, again, you are asking them to rent/buy a suit or tux, shoes and… well lucky for them, they don’t have many other accessories! But that bachelor party was pretty awesome, right?

In addition, there might be additional travel costs, overnight accommodations, extra meals, snacks and travel supplies.

Ease the strain on their pocketbook by allowing the girls to pick a dress that fits into their budget. Or choose something they can truly wear again. Pick up the bill for the girl’s hair and/or makeup, or give them the option to do it themselves. The jewelry can also make a nice bridesmaid gift. Consider letting the groomsmen wear their own shoes. Or find an inexpensive suit that the guys can purchase and wear again.

The Guests:

All photos beautifully captured by Shannon Scott Photography {Smug Shots}

Last but not least, be considerate of your guests. They have traveled from near and far to celebrate with you, so focus a little on their comfort.

Welcome bags at the hotel can be a great way to start their trip. If most of the guests are from out of town, you may want to plan a couple extra activities for the day leading up to and after the wedding. Providing a little information about the local area’s sights and attractions can also be a nice touch.

If your wedding is more of a local affair, then focus more on the little details (which are actually a pretty big deal!) How long will your guests have to wait between the ceremony and the reception? Will there be a cocktail hour to keep them entertained, or is it long enough that they can run home for a bit?

Is your wedding outside in the middle of July? Providing shaded seating or personal fans would be greatly appreciated. Remember last summer when you went out to eat and the restaurant had the air conditioning cranked up so high that you spent you evening shivering in your cute little tank top? Do you remember your meal? Probably not, the focus was on your discomfort. Same applies for your guests. If they’re really uncomfortable (too hot, too cold or in really uncomfortable seats), that is what they will remember about your wedding, not all the cute DIY details that you spend hours working on.

While managing a restaurant here in Grand Rapids, the owner once told me, guests don’t notice when you do things right, but they notice when things are done wrong. For example, they won’t notice that you took care that the music was at the perfect volume, but if it’s too loud, they’ll certainly remember that.

And of course you cannot please everyone, so don’t let this be an extra stress on your big day; just take a moment to consider others. It is ultimately your day, and I am no discounting that by any means. Have fun and enjoy being surrounded by those that you love!

{Steps to the Altar} The Budget

0 · Mar 5, 2013 ·

You’re engaged! Let’s start planning – themes, venues, caterers, bridesmaids, dresses, flowers, colors, invitations, hotel rooms, hairstyles, cakes, bands, churches, officiants, coordinators, linens, photographers… and those are just the first few things that pop into your head!

Stop! Take a deep breath. Before you think about one more thing, the very first thing you MUST determine is your budget. Your budget will define everything else about your wedding.

I know this is the day you’ve been dreaming about for most of your life. Visions can get pretty elaborate. By limiting how much money you have to spend on your wedding, you can narrow down options and avoid starting your future together in mountains of debt. Know how much money you are able to afford. Figure out how much your fiancé will contribute and if any contributions will be made by either of your parents. Once you know how much you can spend, then you can start prioritizing.

If the photographer is the most important part of your wedding, start there. Many couples find this the most important aspect of their wedding day, and rightfully so. You’ll have these pictures for the rest of your life. Make sure you not only love the photographer’s style, but their personality. You need to feel at ease with your photographer, if you feel stiff and awkward around them, then your pictures will reflect that.

If the venue is the most important aspect to you, then find out how much your dream venue will cost, and see if its’ even a possibility on your budget. But remember, venues also have rules regarding caterers and liquor and sometimes the other vendors that are allowed to provide services within their premises. If these other vendors are going to drive your budget up, you might have to secure another venue.

Have an idea of how many people are on your guest list. Most caterers price their meals per head; this will give you a better idea of how much the meal will actually cost, $20-50 a head might not sound like much until you multiply this by 200 guests. One of the easiest ways to bring prices down is by condensing your guest list. You are not obligated to invite everyone you know. Nor are you required to ask people to come, simply because you attended theirs five years ago, when was the last time you even talked to them? By keeping the affair smaller, not only will your budget be saved, but you will actually remember the people that were there and you can talk to every one of them.

A few facts to keep in mind:

The average wedding in the United States cost between $25,000-27,000.
Weddings in Kent County cost between $17,000-29,000, on average. Click here for more details.
The average engagement ring cost $5,200
About 12% of couples spend more than $8,000 on the engagement ring
The average college graduate has about $20,000 debt
The average household income in Michigan is around $45,000
Financial problems are often cited as the #1 reason for divorce

Somehow the numbers don’t all add up for me…

So here’s a really old fashioned, crazy idea. Once you’ve had that conversation with all parties paying for the wedding, and the budget established, and set in stone – use cash to pay for your wedding! If you do not have the cash to pay for something, then don’t buy it, simple.

Weddings are a time of celebration. Anyone with any amount of money can get married. The key is not to burden yourself, piling on the debt before you even say “I do.” Remember your plans for the future, plans that last a lot longer than one night.

Photo by Shannon Scott Photography {Smug Shots}

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