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how to work with a wedding planner

How to Work with a Wedding Planner :: Part 4 :: The Full Service Planner

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How to Work with a Wedding Planner | Oatmeal Lace Apron | The Day's Design | Ashley Slater Photography

Photography: Ashley Slater Photography 

A full service planner plans weddings for a living.  Simple enough.  For myself, that means that I will tackle any wedding related task that the bride and groom throw at me, and then some.  It means I work an unlimited number of hours doing whatever it takes make all your wedding dreams come true.  It means that I handled every detail from floral design to event design to day-of management and more (all the tasks listed in parts 1, 2 and 3 of this series).  I’ve not so delicately referred to myself as a “wedding slave” to my full service clients, although I guarantee you its much more enjoyable and rewarding than that description would lend you to believe.

However, some planners do limit the number of hours the work or have more restrictions than I do.  So don’t assume that this is an unlimited everything option with all planners.  Even I have a few boundaries, I have to draw a line somewhere.  I think some others are just better at defining that line than I am.

I think this is the post that most of you have been waiting for.  Very few people really seem to understand how this relationship works.  The bride wants to know if she should talk to the photographer or if I should.  The photographer wants to know if she should work on the timeline with me or the bride.

I know some planners are really controlling and they don’t want vendors communicating with the brides without their involvement.  It seems like they’re being overbearing.  But the reality is, if something goes wrong on the wedding day, it always falls back on the planner.  They’re just being cautious.

My personal rule of thumb is if it’s a vendor providing a service, I want the bride and groom to be involved.  Photographers and the couple spend an enormous amount of time together, I would never suggest you merely let me hire them without a consultation between the bride and groom. I’ll pair you up with some of my favorites and then the ultimate decision us up to the bride and groom. Same goes for hair and makeup or catering, I know what I like to eat and can tell you some of my favorite chefs, but I’m not going to decide who has the best chicken or steak and I’m not going to tell you how to wear your hair on your wedding day – I’ll just steer you in the right direction.

I will do a lot of the leg work for my clients.  I’ll make the initial contact and see if my favorite vendors are even available.  I don’t want to waste my clients’ time.  I’m here to narrow down who’s available and within their budgets, but the final decision is up to the bride and groom.

Once the vendor is hired and all the imperative details have been discussed, I usually take over more of the technical details and final logistics. Likewise, if it’s more of a behind the scenes vendor – we’re just using them for charger plates or linens, I don’t include the bride and groom in on that.  It goes back to people that I’m subcontracting to make the wedding come to life (read more from my event design post here).  Those vendors can deal specifically with me, I’m here to make the bride and grooms lives easier, not add to the list of people they need to talk to.

Dear Vendors: I want to work together.  I feel like we have a common goal – at the end of the day we want a really happy married couple.  If I talk to you about a potential wedding and the bride and groom don’t book, please don’t take it personally.  If I talked to you at all about it – that probably means that I was rooting for you, they just didn’t think you were the right fit.  We’ll work together soon.  And I promise I wasn’t wasting your time with a meaningless inquiry. I’m going to bust this myth wide open – wedding planners to not control every vendor that’s hired at a wedding.

Something helpful you can do prior to the wedding season, keep me up to date on your pricing.  That helps me match budgets and brides right away.  Once they’ve booked, you’ll probably communicate with me a little more.  But on matters of opinion, I want the bride and groom involved.  Conversations with them are by no means off limits, I just want to be kept in the loop.

Dear Clients: Don’t be afraid to tell me why you like one vendor over another – it might make the rest of the process a little easier.  The more insight I can get from you, the better.  I need to be notified when you change your mind about things or if you decide to invite extra guests.  Communication, communication, communication.  I can’t stress it enough.  Share copies of your contracts with me so I have full access to all fine print.  Remember I am a professional and you have hired me to do a job, however it’s a really fun job and you should be enjoying this engagement period and I want you to enjoy working with me too!

Do you have other questions about working with a wedding planner?  I’m happy to help and shed light on the subject however I can.

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How to Work with a Wedding Planner :: Part 3 :: The Event Designer

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Welcome back to our little working with a wedding planner series.  If you need a recap before you fulling plunge into part 3, you can read part 1 and 2 here and here.  And now moving forward with all the pretty details…

How to Work with an Event Designer | The Day's Design | Ashley Slater Photography

Photography: Ashley Slater Photography | Floral Design: The Day’s Design 

What in the world is an event designer?  The term is a little foreign and if you thought it was hard for people to understand the difference between a wedding planner and a coordinator – tell them you’re an event designer.  It’ll blow their mind.

Technically, an event designer isn’t a wedding planner at all, they’re a visual planner. Think interior designer, for a wedding.  That’s the best way I have to describe it.  When people hire me for this, it’s purely cosmetic.  Think all things aesthetically pleasing on the wedding day.  There really isn’t a clear cut line on what all this entails, it’s more of a case by case plan.  But generally speaking I’m going to meet with the bride and groom, discuss feelings, moods, color palettes, favorite flowers and more.  Then I’m going to go home and lay in bed that night dreaming about all the fancy details we discussed.  And then, my pen is going to hit the paper.

I love sketching out these ideas, playing with flower combinations and coordinating linens to the room layouts.  I daydream about ceremony backdrops, café lights and chandeliers.  I agonize over vessels for your centerpieces and coordinating votive holders.  I’ll make sure that the napkins fold just right and show off the custom stationary we commissioned.  The décor options are absolutely endless.  I can list off 10 different chair options right off the top of my head and where to get each of them.

So once I’ve done my research on what is actually possibly, works with your budget and isn’t just a wild dream of mine, I put it down on paper and send it to my clients.  They approve parts of it and often things get tweaked a touch here or there.  But once it’s all to their liking, I get to work sourcing all the pieces to make it happen.

Some of the work I will do myself.  I will create massive floral arches, moss and floral photo backdrops and let you rent my taper candle holders.  But sometimes I have to outsource certain projects.  It could be due to lack of resources, time or even know how.  I will subcontract vendors to make this happen.  It’s really nothing that my clients need to get involved in, I’ll sign the contract myself and add it to my invoice.  I have little clause in my contract projecting me if one of the wedding guests sets fire to a $100 linen or breaks a chair, my client will be held responsible.  And I also ask my clients to cover rentals that are over a certain dollar amount but I still work on my clients behalf handling the arranging of those services.

When it comes to the actual wedding day, I’ll be there.  I’ll be directing all the vendors that I hired.  But I won’t deal with the logistics or help manage your timeline.  I’ll be focusing solely on the visual aspects, making sure that every flower is perfectly placed and that beautiful arbor isn’t going to blow over during the ceremony.  It’s even possible that I’ll be gone before the bride ever sees the reception and I may not see her reaction to the space in person.

Dear Vendors: if I’m renting from you or working with you as an Event Designer, you’ll probably never meet my clients.  I’ll fill you in on the relevant details of the wedding and you’ll most likely hold onto my credit card number.  All communications will go through me and I’m technically your client.

Dear Clients: Trust that I’ve found you the best place for your chiavari chairs and all those floral extras are going to happen because I have flower friends who are amazing and willing to lend a hand.  I have spent countless hours shopping and researching and making sure everything is top notch just for you.  Sometimes that means that the sofa you wanted to rent lands on my final bill, making my service price seem a little crazy.  But trust me, I’ll be so worth it in the end.

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How to Work with a Wedding Planner :: Part 2 :: Day-of Coordinator

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How to Work with a Wedding Planner | Autumn Bridal Bouquet | The Day's Design | Ashley Slater Photography

Photography: Ashley Slater Photography | Floral Design: The Day’s Design

As my business has evolved, I usually only coordinate weddings that I’ve also done the florals or some aspect of design for.  This wasn’t always the case, I used to do coordination or event management for the day as a standalone service.  So I’m writing this post as if you were hiring me for that unaccompanied help – since we really are trying to single out the Wedding Coordinator’s role in the overall vision of the wedding.

This is purely speculation, but I think this is probably the most commonly hired wedding planning service.  Couples are given some professional guidance without relinquishing control or loosing too much from their pocketbooks.  While they aren’t necessarily contracted to do so, most Day-of Coordinators will give some tips on etiquette share their favorite vendors with you.  After all, it’s in there benefit for the couple to hire a photographer that coordinator loves and makes their life a whole lot easier if you don’t hire that caterer who is terrible at communications.  I always say, I’d rather that you come to me instead of asking Mr. Google.

The process of working with me as your Day-of Coordinator typically works like this: the bride and groom hire me.  Sometimes this is the first thing they do, other times it happens in a panic three months before the wedding.  Either way, I won’t really start talking in more depth about the wedding until about 6-8 weeks before hand.  We’ll walk through what the couple has planned for the day, how they envision everything, chat about a brief day of timeline, locations for things such as the guest book, placecards and the cake table. If at all possible, I try to visit the venue together. Then I’ll get a complete list of vendors hired by the couple.  I’ll address any concerns I have logistically or otherwise and then I’ll get to work.

My first task is filling in the gaps on the itinerary.  Details like ceremony and reception start time aren’t up for discussion.  But often no one knows what time the caterer is planning on arriving or when the tables and chairs will be set up so the florist can place her flowers (or when I can place the centerpiece if I’m also your floral designer).  If no one has told the baker what time she should arrive with the cake, it might end up sitting out all day and we’ll end up with a big pile of melted buttercream.  We want to make sure that pertinent events are scheduled during the time that the photographer is contracted to work.  Coordination of these details is absolutely necessary and I fill in all those holes, working on arrival times, traffic flow and general order of the day – things that the bride shouldn’t be worrying about while she’s off having her hair and makeup done the morning of the big day.

Dear Vendors: Your first contact with me will be a nice little introductory email asking if you have any concerns, special setup needs or any lingering questions that haven’t been clarified quite yet.  I’ll do everything within my power to address those and a couple weeks prior to the wedding, when all these details have been confirmed with each and every one of you, I’ll send along a copy of the finalized itinerary and contact information – important phone numbers, addresses and anything else I think you might possibly need on the wedding day.  Yes, that itinerary will be chucked full of information that you might not think you need, but I think over informed is much better than under.

On the actual wedding day, I try to interrupt the bride and groom as little as possible and ask that you do the same.  Please be respectful of what they hired me to do and address me first with questions or concerns.  I don’t have all the answers, but normally I have a few.

Dear Clients: You can make this process go smoothly by being up front with those hired vendors about my existence right from the start.  Give them my email and cell phone number, that’s excellent and telling them that I’ve authorized to make decisions on your behalf is even better.  As for me, I ask that you let me know the person that you’ve been in most contact with.  I’d like to know all previously arranged details and if you feel inclined to cc me in on emails or forward contracts my way, that’s perfect.  This gives me a little leverage when the limo driver shows up a half hour late to pick you up from the church.  But so we’re clear on things, I don’t address why things when wrong on the wedding day – we can figure that out later – my goal is moving forward to solve the problem.  Please don’t ask me to focus on the negative on your wedding day.

And one more little reminder – the term Wedding Planner and Day-of Coordinator are NOT interchangeable.

In case you missed it, you can read Part 1 of this series here. 

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How to Work with a Wedding Planner

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There was a wedding I worked last summer at a beautiful new venue.  It was owner operated and so I would also call her the venue coordinator.  We talked about a ton of plans before hand and she had quite a few “particulars” that were musts on her lists to keep her venue in pristine condition.  She had extra staff around and she would often reference that “they” will take care of various things.  She was also very involved with the overall flow.  Nothing crazy out of the ordinary for a venue coordinator.  However, it got to a point in the evening where things just weren’t proceeding as they should and I needed to take matters into my own hands.  Something that “they” were supposed to do hadn’t happened yet.  So I inquired about when it might be taking place.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget this moment as I’m still filled with fury just thinking back, she stopped and turned, then barked at me “I don’t know!  I’m not the wedding planner!!” She walked away, my blood was boiling and I didn’t speak to her the rest of the night (because obviously the silent treatment is the mature approach from me).  And I did “their” job myself.

Other than the fact that her reaction was so out of line, the reason I was so upset about this is because I wasn’t the wedding planner either.  I was just hired for day-of coordination.  I didn’t know EVERYTHING.  And this is why I beg couples to share as much information as they possibly can with me.

How to Work with a Wedding Planner | The Day's Design | Ashley Slater Photography

Photography: Ashley Slater Photography

The title of this article is “How to Work with a Wedding Planning”.  I’d like to take time to explore this from both a vendor and client perspective.  These questions come up all the time – what’s the relationship between bride and planner? Who do we communicate with? Who are services contracted through? Does the planner completely take over the wedding?

Before I can answer these questions, I need to start by laying some groundwork.  We need to understand the various levels of service that you can hire someone like myself for.  I think why the venue owner reacted the way she did was due to a lack of understanding.  She didn’t understand what the bride truly hired me to do, or what the difference is between a coordinator and planner.

I’m hoping that with this little series we can clear up some of the misconceptions and learn how we call can work together.

Now, it might vary some depending upon who you hire, but for me, I offer several different options and this is what each of these services include.

  1. Floral Design

If I’ve been hired for floral design only, I’m going to make some gorgeous arrangements.  However, I’m not going to design or setup any other pieces of the wedding and I’m not in charge of any planning services.  I’m simply going to decorate with the supplies that I brought along and then I’m going home for the day.  Aside from possibly a quick chat with the photographer or adding a few blooms to the cake, I won’t have communications with the other vendors.  This service is pretty unique to me, most planners don’t offer full floral design and if they do, it’s only with clients who have hired them for planning as well, which makes it more of an add on service.  But I love flowers and will arrange them for weddings no matter what.

  1. Event Design

Event design flows really well with floral design.  Think of this as hiring me to take charge of anything that’s aesthetically pleasing.  Some items that fall into this category would be linen selection, room layouts, invitations and other paper products, working with the cake designer, helping select bridesmaids colors, backdrops, place settings and sourcing some of those specialty rental items.  However, this doesn’t include assistance with logistics, timing, etiquette or really any non-visual pieces of the wedding day.  I scheme, I design, and I set everything up pretty and make sure that the special vendor’s I subcontracted are doing their part but then I’m on my way before the show really begins.

  1. Day-of Coordination/Event Management

Sometimes one is hired just to manage those logistics.  Some planners have strength in the visual elements and some are more suited to managing the flow of the day.  While most planners will do either, I think it’s important to understand the strengths of whose been hired.  Why did you go to that planner?  Is it because they have awesome communications and flow with other vendors? Or is it because you love the look of their portfolio?  And why does their portfolio look like that? If they’ only coordinated and had nothing to do with the design, then it can’t possibly be expected that every wedding they coordinate will have “that look”, because the planning of most of those visual elements most likely took place before they were involved.

So if someone is contracted to manage the day, expect them to do just that.  They typically jump in about the last month or so of planning and tie up the loose ends.  They make sure that everything the bride has put in place actually happens and are the go-to person on the wedding day and the final days leading up to the wedding.  Questions from other vendors can be filtered through them, therefore eliminated 50 different texts/emails/calls to the bride on the day before the wedding and we can narrow that down to 1 from her coordinator, who will be in fact her right hand man on the day of.  Typically this person is the first person onsite and the last one to leave at the end of the evening.  They don’t generally do much setup or decorating, a few tasks here or there such as placing table numbers or escort card displays but for the most part, their job is to oversee and make sure that everyone else is doing their job.

Now as a vendor working a coordinator, understand that they may not have all the answers right away – they only have information the bride has given them.  And sometimes sucking information out of the bride is a challenging task, from finalizing guest counts to knowing who receives all of the corsages and boutonnières, there are a lot of the pieces of the puzzle to be managed.  We coordinators at times have had to deal with brides who haven’t found it necessary for us to have “all” the information, which is a really tough place to be in and sometimes make us appear less than adequate at our jobs.

  1. Full Service Wedding Planning

This person is hired to assist with the entire process.  There’s not much that’s off limits – from design, to vendor selections, clothing, rsvp tracking and turning out the lights at the end of the night, this is your all-encompassing package.

The full service wedding planner will spend over 200 hours planning a wedding.  The wedding weekend itself may contain a couple 12+ hour days for her and her assistants.  There will be so much behind the scenes work that goes unseen, it’ll just magically happen and the day will (hopefully) be perfect.

If the wedding planner is also the floral designer, add another 100 hours of labor onto a big wedding.  I know it sound excessive but this is not a job for the weak and weary.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the planner isn’t there to take away from their fun in wedding planning.  The bride and groom are usually still involved and there are details that the planner cannot handle – inviting guests, dress fittings, music selection, seating charts, cake and food tasting – just to name a few.  Most planners stay in the know on all these subjects, but there’s a chance that a bride or groom may change their mind and forget to notify the planner.  It’s not a fool proof system that everything will remain worry free just because there’s a wedding planner.  Communication is key to this relationship.

This post got a little wordy, but if you’re still with me – that’s step 1 to working with a planner for both clients and vendors.  Bottom line, you need to know who was hired and what services they have been hired for.  This will determine the rest of the working relationship.  Stay tuned for part 2 of this 4 part series.

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