from the heart of a planner

Peony for President

0 · Nov 8, 2016 ·

Sometimes I like to live in this blissful little bubble filled with peonies and silk ribbons. I like the stare at the autumn leaves and think that the pending winter season should be the biggest worry on my mind. And that quickly turns my thoughts to roaring fires and big fluffy snowflakes gracefully making their way to the ground. The world can be a really beautiful place.

Photography: Samantha James Photography

A quick shot of reality will remind me that life isn’t all chiffon streamers, brass candlesticks and Chantilly lace. Flowers don’t fill everyone’s world. And this election has surfaced a whole bunch of ugly around us.

There’s a lot of banter out there regarding who one should be voting for. I’m not here to share my political views. I’ve never considered myself political whatsoever, even though I do have strong opinions on certain matters. I’m not going to stand on a soapbox and preach about voting one way or another. I have my morals and values and in the end, only one candidate even remotely aligns with those.

I feel like this election has surfaced a lot of judgement and nasty comments on both sides. There’s a huge push to get us all to the poles and exercise the right we have to vote. But there’s another right that we all have – and we didn’t have to fight wars or preach of equal rights to earn it. It’s the right to love one another.

That’s not to be misinterpretted as marriage equality or romance or any of those topics that I’m not chatting about today, but rather the command given to us all “Love your neighbor as yourself.” [Mark 12:31] What if we all stopping judging one another’s ideas, tastes and opinions and just loved. We could love the widows and the orphans, the seniors and young, the rich and the homeless, the sinners and those who sin a little less. Loving means the end of anger and hate. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with everyone but showing compassion to their point of view and humbling ourselves would be a good start. Go vote and then love your neighbor unconditionally, regardless of what his yard sign says.

I don’t have control over who ultimately wins this election. But I do have control over my own actions – actions I took to voice my opinion by voting and then how I react regardless of the outcome. I can do my small part to make this world a more beautiful and loving place. I maintain my position that the peony is one of the most beloved and agreeable flowers. I’m voting peony for president.

A Note on Gratitude

0 · Dec 1, 2015 ·

As we’re all perfectly well aware, this is the time of year that we’re all supposed to be thankful. I’ve been trying for well over a week now to put together a post on gratitude and thankgiving. I wanted to write something profound and moving. I’ve put together draft after draft and had even committed to posting one last Wednesday and then my website host went ca-poof and the kibosh was put on that plan as my blog was down for an entire day.

My mother used to blame the devil for little acts like that. She wasn’t the type to call that boy “the devil” or give Lucifer credit for mass shootings, etc. It was the little things that she used to say were acts of the devil – things like getting into an argument on Sunday morning making us late to church. He’s sneaky like that and tries to keep you from worship.

So on Wednesday after I spent hours crafting a post about being thankful to our Heavenly Father and sending a few praises His way, this happened and my blog just didn’t exist. My mother immediately came to mind. I’m not sure if it was really his handy work or if perhaps I just wasn’t supposed to publish that draft, I wasn’t completely satisfied with it anyway.

Either way, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am over thinking it. I keep feeling like gratitude should be easy to come by. I have food on my table, a roof over my head, a beautiful family and the list goes on and on. But I’ve been searching for thankfulness and contentment still.

And then I realized I don’t need to search for it, it’s just here. It’s all around me. Why am I working so hard to find a warm and fuzzy feeling? I need to just embrace the feelings that are already in my home. My life is a mess. My business is not perfect. My kids are driving me crazy at this very moment. I will always and forever find things to tweak and change and try to perfect in my life. But I need to embrace the thankfulness in the here and now and stop looking out the windows beyond my own home.

Photography: Katie Grace Photography & Videography

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” – Dorothy, Wizard of Oz.

When it’s More than Just Cold Feet (Part 2)

0 · Oct 29, 2015 ·

Photography: Bradley James Photography

Returning gifts, cancelling plans, pleading with vendors for a refund, thousands of dollars lost, returning your ring – cancelling your wedding is a horrid chapter of life and a very humbling moment in your story. After my last post, someone mentioned how proud I should be that I was able to make the right choice. It was hard to think of it in that light. It was much easier to feel embarrassed that I had made the wrong decision in the first place, it was easier to wonder why I had never seen what a poor match we were before. When outsiders asked how the wedding planning was going, I was ashamed to say that all planning had ceased. “We called it off.” Those words pierced me.

I felt like a lost soul. I had to re-find my single self and remember who I was without him. And that might have been one of the biggest challenges of all.

Skipping forward – how do you know this is the man your supposed to marry? That’s the question I left you with at the conclusion of Tuesday’s post. That was a question that ran through my mind for a long time. I lost a little trust in myself. I felt like my instincts were now off. I could never let something like this happen again.

All I can speak of is my own experience. But for me, there wasn’t even a shadow of a doubt that floated into my mind when the right proposal came along.

In my broken engagement, I prayed for a sign. I prayed for a closed door if this wasn’t the direction my life was supposed to go. Be careful what you pray for. A huge sign came crashing down on me and was so obvious there was not a chance I could ignore it. In my current relationship, of course I prayed for guidance but it wasn’t a scary plea. It wasn’t a prayer born out of fear, it was a prayer of wisdom and care and thankfulness.

So how did I know that I’d met the man I was supposed to marry? Everything was just different. The overall aura of the relationship was unique to any other bond I had experienced. And I might not have recognized that without my past misfortunes. There was a calmness and peace. There was a security and my self-doubt seemed to fade away. I didn’t feel like I had lost myself with him, but rather I was able to be myself. My past heartbreak gave me the confidence to move forward. I now knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be. And most importantly, I knew who I wanted to have standing beside me as I strived to be that person.

There is a happy ending on the road ahead.

“Don’t rush into love, because even in fairytales the happy ending takes place on the last page”. – author unknown

When it’s More than Just Cold Feet

0 · Oct 27, 2015 ·

Photography: Kelly Sweet Photography

This is a subject that’s been pulling on my heartstrings for awhile. However, since wedding blogs are supposed to be this blissful happy place it never seems appropriate to bring up the harsh reality that even when you said yes, you may not fulfill that journey down the aisle.

I had two brides call off their wedding this year. That’s 13% of my weddings. I don’t know if that’s an average percentage throughout the wedding industry but it is an eye opener to the fact that diamonds don’t make everything beautiful.

10 years ago I was engaged to another man. It seems like a lifetime past and I can scarcely imagine what my life would be life now had I gone through with it. Suffice to say, I wouldn’t have two beautiful daughters, I’d most likely be working some “safe” corporate job and dinner would be on the table every night at 5:30pm without a dirty dish left in the kitchen, ever. Period. And my walls would be white, but not in a textured trendy way, in the boring, non-adventurous way. They would be the bland metaphor for my life.

I’m not going to go into all the details as to why things weren’t right in my relationship. But at some point throughout the engagement time period I had this gut wrenching feeling that something was amiss. That’s a really scary feeling. I’m a very firm believer that marriage is forever and the forever in my reality was starting to feel very, very long.

I had already had 2 bridal showers. We had bought a house. Our lives were starting to merge. We were getting gifts for “us”. When you’re planning a wedding everything is go go go. You have time frames and itineraries. There are so many factors that you have to keep on top of, organize and decide that sometimes it’s really easy to lose track of all the pertinent feelings and emotions and sort those out from the tense, bridezilla moments. It’s easy to lose your grip on reality.

For me, I couldn’t pull the trigger on sending out the invitations. I stalled and stalled. There wasn’t a real reason why, I just didn’t put them in the mail. It was less than 6 weeks before my wedding and they still weren’t out. Among the list, that should have been a huge warning sign.

I can’t tell you whether or not you’ve chosen the right man. I often become very close to my brides but I still don’t see all the inner workings of the relationship. And even if you’re happy in the moment, it doesn’t mean you’ll still be happy five years from now. So what do you do? How do you know if this is the man you’re supposed to marry?

PS – This isn’t the end of the story. Sharing more on this subject later this week.

Distracted by Weeds

0 · Aug 31, 2015 ·

Photography: Hetler Photography

I entered an Instagram contest. And while I don’t have a large following, I’ve built up enough that I feel like I have to be very intentional about what I post and I’ve come to the point in business that people actually start to recognize me out in the public and may have even heard of my business. These should all be good things. It’s a sign of growth. But to me, it’s terrifying.

I’ve always been fairly reserved in nature. I don’t like people to know what’s going on with me. I don’t like people in my business. So it’s been a learning curve understanding what I’m comfortable with, what I need to challenge myself with and realizing that if I never tell anyone that I’m doing floral design or willing to travel, no one might ask me to do these things. And I want them to hire me to do these things!

Putting myself out there. That’s what I did last week upon entering this contest. I let the world know that I wanted to win something. I let my floral arrangements be judged with multiple entries from across the country. And it was scary.

At first, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I felt like I shouldn’t even try because I didn’t want people to judge me, I didn’t want to feel like a failure and I didn’t want to have my hopes crushed. Then I got out of my head and just started creating. Some of the arrangements practically made themselves and some where a real struggle. But at the end of the day I felt good with myself. I felt like I had a real chance to be a finalist.

Friday morning hit me like a ton of bricks. All my fears came true. I’m not good enough. That’s what I heard when the five finalists where announced. And it hurt. I’m thirty years old with a business that I’ve built with my own two hands, using my God given talents and I felt inadequate. I started to cry.

I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. I saw a grown woman crying because someone did pick her flowers, pretty ridiculous, right? People have real problems in this world and I’m getting weepy over a bunch of blooms.

I’ve evaluated and reevaluated every single one of my creations. I critiqued and tried to decide what I could do differently. And I’m pretty happy with my creations, which is all I can ask for at the end of the day. Obviously I compared myself to the other entrants, who wouldn’t? But what these other contestants really are is weeds. They’re weeds that are distracting me from the really beautiful blossoms in my garden. While weeds are quirky and fun and they hold their own beauty, they can also strangle out the plants that have been purposely placed and planted. I want to be purposeful and not distracted by weeds. I need to stay true to myself, even if it isn’t good enough for someone else. I refuse to be distracted by these weeds.

Footprints in the Sand

0 · Jun 3, 2015 ·

Sunday I awoke to a nip in the morning air. It had the crisp, clean and fragrant smell of summer with the chilling temperatures of fall. It almost felt as though autumn was closing in upon us or perhaps I had traveled north to the place where my dreams often take me. It felt like a Northern Michigan morning.

That same morning, our pastor talked about waiting. I feel like I’m caught waiting a lot. Waiting can be good. Perhaps we shouldn’t but in such a hurry, life doesn’t have to happen instantaneously. It’s interesting to think though what might happen if we never stopped waiting and just sit in our comfort, dragging our feet. And as my mind always tends to wander, I was thinking, if Jesus is always by our side, then he’s waiting right there with to us. Like footprints in the sand next to us, carrying us, guiding us.

While these two occurrences from Sunday aren’t exactly connected, I couldn’t help but think of this image, it just seemed to sum up the day. I was thinking about chilly and cold feet. I was thinking of the misty shores of Lake Michigan and the damp sand. I was thinking of being lonely and yet having love by my side. I was thinking about how many thoughts and words can come to mind with no way to express themselves besides in one visual image. I don’t have the perfect poetic tidings or ideas to sum up this post, but it’s perplexing the emotions, sentiments and a wealth of thoughts that can be conjured up from just one picture.

This beautiful image was part of a seaside inspirations shoot Ashley Slater Photography and I put together last month. So many more moving photos to be shared soon!

A Generation Shaped by Grandma

0 · Jan 30, 2015 ·

January always brings memories of my Grandma; it was her birthday today and the anniversary of her passing earlier this month. She had a huge impact and influence on my life. I loved her so much and wish all the time I could call her up, sit and have a cup to tea (or toast with peanut butter – her fav!) with her or play another game of Cribbage. She was a strong, Godly woman who shaped a piece of who I am.

But it wasn’t until her funeral when I realized how many other lives she had touched. Person after person came forward to share who my grandma a touched their lives. This made my memory of Grandma even more magical.

My grandma has become a source of encouragement for me. She was the inspiration for my daughter’s name, she impacts my day to day life and also has an effect on the business side of my life. My forget-me-knots bordering my logo are in memory of her as I think of how they used to grow wild in her yard and grandpa was not allowed to mow while they were in bloom.

I have come to realize however, that I am not alone in my admiration for my grandma. I have run across a number of others, both in the wedding industry and elsewhere, who blog or tell tales of how their grandmas inspire them. Pieces of their businesses where named by them. Life just isn’t the same with them gone.

Why do we admire Grandma so much?

She grew up in a time before cell phones, internet and computers. She made meals from scratch and gave the best hugs. Her life was simple. She lived in an era when it was still okay to carpool with strangers, houses were made from fieldstones, pictures were in black and white and women were married at the age of 18. And marriages lasted.

What made her such an amazing woman? She didn’t even know how to properly send an email?! Are just romanticizing her memory? I don’t believe so. I believe that Grandma’s unsheltered way of life taught her something. I believe that she learned to fight and work hard, not having an easy way out. I believe that she had an extra burst of stubbornness that refused to quit. She didn’t have an “easy” button or a way to escape through technology. She had to talk about her problem, think about her answers in thoughtful letters of response. She learned to properly converse with one another and how to punctuate a sentence. She knew how to be a lady, as well as how to work on the farm. She walked to her job because she wasn’t spoiled with an extra car. And at the end of the day, she was tired.

Grandma, thank you for your passion and fight. Thank you for keeping me fired up for what really matters and making my family so amazing. Our grandma’s changed our generation. As they’re slowly finding their final resting places, a portion of history and wisdom is being lost in this world. “Simple” ways of life are being forgotten and it makes me sad.

Grandpa and Grandma at our wedding, June 2010. Photography: Shannon Scott Photography {Smug Shots}

Hugs & Cheers for the New Year

0 · Jan 5, 2015 ·

Photography: Eliza Jean Photography

I like to start January off on a positive note. It’s a new and fresh year full of possibilities. But today my heart is heavy and optimism is eluding me as another member of my family went to their eternal home yesterday. It seems the past few Januaries have been challenging, to say the least. Perhaps it’s the Lord’s way of testing me and letting me know it can only go up from here? I don’t really know.

I’ve read numerous year end recaps across Facebook, Instagram and on other blogs. While a couple here and there might make a slight mention of trials in 2014, most of them are extremely positive and almost overly enthusiastic about how great the year was. I almost feel like no one is really real with themselves or perhaps those people just chose not to speak out.

It’s important to know that life is full of complications, sadness and heartbreak. We don’t always choose to share these personal moments of defeat, as it’s so much easier to share the sunshine and celebration than the gloom. Sometimes it’s hard to see the engagement announcements, the shiny new Christmas toys and all the positive wishes for 2015. But if you too are starting the year on a negative note, it’s okay, you’re not alone regardless of what social media might be telling you. We’ll find your time of celebration together.

Hugs and Cheers into the New Year!

You Bring Our Hearts to Life

0 · Dec 23, 2014 ·

“We believe in the kingdom come,

We believe in the risen Son,

You bring our hearts to life.”

This is the anthem that’s been ringing through my head this week. And while this isn’t exactly a Christmas song, is it connected to the holiday theme. It’s because of Christmas that we can sing this at all. (You can hear the whole song here.)

Just think, if Jesus hadn’t been born in the manger, there would be no risen Son. There would be no hope, no joy, no peace. Our hearts wouldn’t have life.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the presents and hot cocoa or even write blog posts about how much we miss our Christmas trees (I caved and put one up over the weekend, by the way) – but to me this season is really based on hope. I simply cannot comprehend what it would be life to live in this world without the knowledge that someday I’m leaving and headed to my eternal home. This isn’t forever and the best truly is yet to come.

May you be surrounded with this comfort and joy as you celebrate this Christmas.

The above picture was captured by Hetler Photography as part of our “Hat’s Off to the New Year” shoot last winter. You can see the entire holiday post here.

Dear Christmas Tree

0 · Dec 18, 2014 ·

Dear Christmas Tree,

You are without doubt my biggest joy throughout the holiday season. I love to peer upon your loveliness and watch your lights twinkle. I eagerly wait in anticipation for that glorious day in November when it’s no longer “too early” to proudly pick you up from the lot and bring you home to be a part of my holiday traditions. I dress you up with ornaments that have very little monetary value but so many memories, recalling the story behind each and every sparkly little bauble.

You are sorely missed this year as December has hurried by in a blur, not even leaving moment to reflect and focus on the true meaning of the season. I haven’t felt any warm fuzzies or had a moment to hang the stockings with care. You’ll find not a speck of tinsel or garland gracing my home, no pretty ribbons and boxes waiting to share joy on Christmas morning.

With the days of construction dragging on, the anticipation of something new is quickly fading as I long for something old. I yearn for those time-honored traditions and the glow of Christmas tree lights. The nostalgia and peace they bring each December is a quiet reminder to be thankful for the blessings of the year gone by. This year I sadly have found myself forgetting to be thankful for 2014. May we never forget the many miracles and wonder of Christmas.

The above picture was captured by Hetler Photography as part of our “Hat’s Off to the New Year” shoot last winter. You can see the entire holiday post here.

Capturing the Now

0 · Mar 21, 2014 ·

As if life isn’t busy enough on its own, this week I’ve been dealing with a sick baby and then of course I found myself battling the bug a day later. On the bright side, I did get to cancel my appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed… silver lining, right?

Do you feel like you’re just battling through life, rather than living it? There are some days that I just can’t get this notion out of my mind – it’s as if I’m just surviving rather than actually living. We just have to push through until we recover, surviving until the next paycheck, making it work until we can afford something better – always looking to the future. But what about the now?

While looking to the future is what gives us hope, and I truly believe that that’s hugely necessary and helps us persevere, however, I do believe that we need to search for some contentment and acceptance of the “now”.

I heard through the grapevine that yesterday was National Happiness Day. And while I completely wonder who determines these things, I also was inspired by the number of people who celebrated it, they celebrated being happy – now. I love that idea!

And I have a couple of projects up my sleeves that do just that…. they celebrate us, life, being a woman and preserving through the hardships.

Project #1 I’ve already told you about. The Romance Shoot is a great way to pamper yourself and find an excuse to feel pretty. I’ve teamed up with Hetler Photography and Helena Young to design a soft and romantic backdrop for these photo sessions, while their job is to make you feel gorgeous and then capture that magic. The original idea was to make this solely a boudoir marathon, but then we thought women don’t need to wear lingerie to feel pretty. Sometimes sexy is in the confidence to just be you. So we opened these sessions up to anyone, maternity, boudoir or whatever reason you might like to have your beauty captured. Sometimes women need to be reminded that they are beautiful.

Project #2 is something for me. Yup, I’m being selfish on this one, because I can. It involves my love of beautiful blooms and surrounding myself with them. I’ll share more on this later.

Project #3 is something special for someone I don’t even know yet. My version of a pay-it-forward. Details are still in the works, but I might need a little bit of help bringing this crazy idea of mine to life. That was about as clear as mud, right? Let’s just say that if you have a heart for hospitality and are in the creative/wedding industry, we might want to chat.

Project #4 is my small role in Bloom | The Workshop. I love helping other creatives and watching others succeed. So being a part of this creative workshop is extremely exciting to me as I want to see others blossom and grow.

Last January I put together a small photo shoot showcasing some Valentine’s bouquets (you might remember it from here). As I was putting the details together, I began thinking about a model for the shoot. And then ultimately, I decided I could model for it. I can make myself feel pretty once in a while, right? So I did, blemishes, flaws, remaining baby weight and self-consciousness aside. I didn’t want any pictures of myself until I lost those last few pounds – I was living for the future and not fully grasping the “now”. But I’m glad I had the courage to model, because I think we all need to be reminded of our beauty once in a while. Capture the moment we’re living in and focus a little on the now.

Happy Friday to my beautiful friends!

Photo by Heather Cisler Photography, oh my goodness was it cold that day!!

from the heart of a planner

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