fear

A Note on Fear

0 · Feb 24, 2017 ·

Franklin D Roosevelt in his iconic inaugural address profoundly claimed that we have nothing to fear, except fear itself. I think any business owner or anyone who has dabbled in a creative industry might disagree with that statement. Fear is all around us and it’s scary.

My friend Ciarra with Silver Fox Calligraphy has a skill share project focusing on the community and bond that we self-taught artists have. It’s a way to learn from one another, confide and realize that we’re not alone, especially in our fears. I’ve happily lent my voice to the project.

In her most recent post, she challenged us to think back to the hurdles that stopped our creative journeys. Without hesitation, fear was my first response. We often focus on how worried we are to take the leap. But for me, I was practically shoved off the cliff. I had stood at the edge and looked longingly at dreamy future on the other side. However, standing is all I ever did. It was a daydream.

I’ve been reminiscing, trying to figure out how I actually overcame my fear. And the truth is, I haven’t. I’m still scared every day that maybe I won’t book enough weddings or maybe my next centerpiece won’t be shop stopping. Perhaps I will order the wrong number of flowers or a bride won’t like her bouquet. What if other vendors don’t like the way I coordinate something? The voices and the fear are never ending. I think the real challenge is learning how to just push it to the back of your mind and not let it be the main focus of your life.

So as far as being shoved off the cliff, my journey as a business owner started when I found myself with a poorly timed pregnancy and was no longer able to work at my full time job. As I sat on the couch pregnant and unemployed, I had two options. I could sit there and wallow in my own self-pity, wondering why no one would hire me to do my dream job. Or I could create my own dream job. I settled on the second option. But I’m not 100% sure I would have ever started this venture had I not been put into that tricky situation.

Fear | The Day's Design | Kelly Sweet Photography

Photography: Kelly Sweet Photography

I’m going to leave you with these thoughts to ponder over the weekend – you’re in control of your own success and failures. And just because you fail at one thing, doesn’t mean that it won’t help you succeed with another. True life confession, I have knots in my stomach right at this very moment so worried that my next project I’m working on might not live up to its fullest potential. Perhaps I can’t control every detail, but I can control my reaction and keep a handle on my own fear, always pushing forward.

The above picture is another example of my attempting to overcome fears with this artful session with Kelly Sweet Photography. She’s amazing and made me feel and look like a goddess, rather than a frumpy mother of two. I won’t be sharing the entire session because… well… it’s not all G rated (it’s for someone special’s eyes only) but it was a great reminded of what a powerful, sensual woman I can be. And I think we all need to remember what’s awesome about ourselves every now and then.

Pep Talks: Hovering over the “Send” Button

0 · Jan 23, 2014 ·

I have chatted about fear before. But that doesn’t mean I have overcome all of mine. So here we are again… I’m thinking about the risks we take every day. They may be large or small, but they still exist. Every time you leave the safety of your own house there’s a chance that something good or bad could happen to you. There’s a chance something could happen if you stay at home too. But most of us don’t stay cooped up, afraid to exit our front doors because we could get hit by a bus or attacked by a swarm of angry bees. We can’t think about all the bad things that could possibly happen to us.

Remember when the weather was warm and we could eat outside? {Sigh} Photo by Bradley James Photography

Earlier this month I had the amazing opportunity to see the Zac Brown Band in concert. Awesome. I highly recommend. As I was standing there watching them perform, a line to one of their songs really hit me, “You may fall down on your face, roll the dice and have some faith”. I have heard the song a hundred times. But for some reason it really resided with me that night. I made a silent vow to myself; I was going to take more risks.

So here I am, twenty days later dreaming about an idea, reaching out to others in the industry and afraid to hit the “send” button. What if they think it’s dumb? Why are we so scared to taking chances? I hate that I care so much what others think!

But I do. Even though I try to tell myself that I don’t, that I need to make myself happy and do what’s best for my family. “Roll the dice and have some faith.” Faith. Faith. Faith. That’s what I need. You don’t know if you don’t ask, right?

What are you scared to fight for? Is it worth the risk?

Fear: Part 2

0 · Aug 8, 2013 ·

Just a little recap from earlier in this story, I was feeling a nudge to leave my comfortable job and to spend more time with my family, while focusing more on what matters in life. I acted on that, but perhaps I stepped in the wrong direction… (for more, read part 1 here.)

It seemed everywhere I turned there were signs pointing me in another direction. That spring and summer our pastor preached countless sermons on taking leaps of faith, and not just being contented but also fulfilled in life. I cannot remember the entire message, but one Sunday in particular he spoke about the ABC’s:

A – We get super excited about something new. We are absolutely on fire and cannot wait for our journey to begin.

B – The road becomes a bit more difficult. Challenges arise and the journey seems too long. We cannot see the end of our path.

It’s at this point that many people turn back. They look for a new point A, a new beginning. Inevitably, difficulties will arise again (point B) and so the search for another A also begins and it’s a vicious cycle of never seeing anything through.

C – However, point C brings the fruits of our labor. If we can just push through those difficult times, we can reap the rewards and be fired up once more. The message was aimed right at me, I knew it to the depths of my soul. Point A was over so I left my job and now in my new job had gone through A and B, but it didn’t even seem worth continuing on to C. And I was paralyzed by fear.

So much fear. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had this idea to start my own event design and planning company for years now, but it was such a distant daydream. It was just a hobby, people don’t support their families doing stuff like this! And did I mention, I was pregnant?

And then Pastor Brian said something else: are you willing to fail for God? Wow.

I cannot say that my next actions made any sense at all. I began researching all the wedding planning businesses in the area (and there are A LOT). The market seemed like it was becoming saturated. I couldn’t figure out if this was a smart move in business. But I began writing a business plan anyway.

I have made many of my first moves in fear. I have never been an outgoing person and I hate being the center of attention. I have reached out to other vendors and tried to live reminding myself that they can’t say anything more than “no.” But “no” is a scary word. It gets you questioning everything you do, wondering if you’re good enough, smart enough and talented enough. I keep me reminding myself that I am enough (and if you need a reminder about that, I highly encourage you to read this post by my good friend Kellie – who I would not have met without having started this “scary” business).

I am a control freak and I like to have all my ducks in a row, with a perfect plan in place before I start anything (I’m an event planner, remember??). I am fearful of starting anything without first knowing exactly where I’m going and exactly how I’m going to get there. But lately I feel like I’ve been feeling another nudge…

Countless people in the wedding industry lately have been posting tidbits about anxiety and how “done” is better than perfect. “A year from now, what will you wish you had started today?” Quotes about fear and rejection have been popping up all over my Facebook and Instagram feeds. I’ve already of made a couple of mistakes and wish I would have done some things differently in this little baby business of mine, and I don’t like that feeling. I think it’s that icky feeling that’s holding me back.

What are these feelings holding me back from and where is this nudge leading? Don’t worry, I’m not leaving The Day’s Design, I love this business that I have created, I just have the notion that it could be more. There are more services to offer and more opportunities awaiting, but am I ready for them?

As you read this, I know what you’re thinking, “You felt like you needed to make and different and do something that matters and you chose wedding planning??” It’s okay, I had that moment too! But a wedding is a huge deal! It’s so much more than just a pretty celebration; it’s a recognition of a commitment, not only between man and wife but a commitment to God. I want to be a part of that! I want to utilize the talents He has given me. I want to help create a beautiful start to the rest of each couple’s lives.

So what’s next for The Day’s Design? A step forward. I need my grandma’s faith in me. I need faith in myself. And most of all, I need to have faith in God. I must overcome fear.

The above print and quote is from Lara Casey, such an amazing woman and inspiration. You can find it here.

Fear

0 · Aug 6, 2013 ·

I let fear hold me back. That’s an honest and open, bold and truthful statement. I get scared and am unsure of what my next step in life should be.

Two years ago (summer 2011), I received a promotion to Dining Room Manager at the restaurant where I was currently employed. It was a decent job with good pay, the hours were not exactly what I’d like in a perfect world, but I could go shopping, we could continue remodeling our house and life was pretty comfortable. I continued to work here and there on weddings, although there just wasn’t too much time for that.

It was not where I was supposed to be and I knew it, but I continued on with my comfortable life. That fall my grandma, who I was VERY close to was diagnosed with cancer and she began failing fast. As the holidays approached work got busier, life got busier and the question arose as to whether or not Grandma would make it to Christmas.

During one of the most joyous times of the year my heart was so heavy. I remember being bitter towards all the people celebrating with their loved ones as I served food, greeted guests and tried to stay somewhat upbeat. I have over 10 years’ experience in the hospitality industry, so customer service has become second nature to me. But not during this time. All I wanted to do was scream “My Grandma is dying, and you’re upset that your steak is slightly overcooked!!”

A time like this really has a way of putting things into perspective. We find meaning in life’s dark times and are able to focus on what’s really important. For me, that was family. I felt like I needed to be with them and I needed to make a difference and give my life more purpose than just overseeing a dining room of overindulgent seafood lovers.

Three days before Christmas I approached my boss and told him I would not be into work for the next few days. I had to go see Grandma and focus on what mattered most.

We had the best Christmas EVER. I cannot even begin to describe it more than that… it was just an amazing time being surrounded with family and love. Period.

January 9, 2012 Jesus called Grandma home. On one extremely snowy and blusterous day we all gathered around to celebrate her life. She was an absolutely amazing God filled woman who I was so proud to also call my friend. She always pushed me to do my best and was filled with simple words of wisdom and comfort.

More than ever, I knew it was time to leave my restaurant home of six years. It was time for something new, but what? I accepted a new position as an event coordinator at a private club in downtown Grand Rapids, leaving my old job on a whim. I was there for a few months but nudge, nudge…

So why is this post titled “Fear”? This is just the beginning, the story doesn’t end here, part 2 will soon follow.

fear

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