father of the bride

Does this sound like someone you know or (gulp)…you???

“I want this color, and those flowers, and the super expensive dress with the best photographer to capture all my painstaking details, and we better hire an awesome make-up artist so my face can look perfect.  And my bridesmaids, well the can wear what I tell them to wear, I don’t care if they don’t like the shoes, IT’S MY DAY!!!”

We’ve all been around that crazy bride who is so focused on every detail around “her” day that she forgets about everyone else.  Dresses, shoes, hair, make-up and nails become the topic of conversation for months.  She won’t stop obsessing about the hideous dress her future mother-in-law chose, or the fact that one of her bridesmaids just got an awful haircut.

Let’s step back for just a moment.  I know this is your once in a lifetime day, but there are OTHER people involved too.  In all your planning, have you stopped to consider their needs???

Here are some others you might want to consider on your wedding day:

The Groom:

First and foremost, the other significant member of the wedding day is the groom.  While focus does tend to be more on the bride, he has a pretty significant role too.  This is the man that you decided to spend the rest of your life with; I think you could share this day with him too!  Is there a special detail that you can incorporate just for him?

Take a moment and ask your groom what he finds most important about his wedding day.  Many guys will simply appease their brides, and let them do all the planning.  But if nothing else, in my experience, he may get a little excited about the food and/or drink selection.  Let him have some input there, he deserves to have a good meal.

Let’s face it, there is more to your man than his belly, he may have emotions on his wedding day too.  Make sure your photographer captures that first look, whether the first time he sees you is during your walk down the aisle, or if you have a special time to capture that moment before the ceremony.  Some grooms have strong opinions on when this “first look” should be, so make sure you ask him.

The Parents:

Have you stopped to consider how your parent’s and other family members are going to feel?  There are so many emotions to discover, but most of all, their baby is getting married!  It is so easy to get caught up in those little details, what color the mother of the bride or groom should wear and how they should wear their hair, etc.

The bottom line is the mothers want to feel beautiful too.  The last thing they need is to be forced into a dreadfully dated mother-of-the-bride’s dress, they’re already having to come to the realization that they’re old enough to have a child getting married.  Let the ladies feel their best.

Your parents are also stressing.  Daddy wants to make sure that his little girl is getting her dream wedding, and that the groom is good enough for his princess.  Daddy is more than a checkbook during this process. While he may stand back and not say too much, I’m sure he’s thinking lots.  He’s giving is little girl away!

Your family has watched you grow from a teeny little baby into the adult you are now.  They have seen you take your first breathe, your first step, your first date and now “I do”.  Be respectful of this during your planning process and consider their needs.

The Wedding Party:

Odds are your wedding party is pretty excited to be a part of your day.  They are ready to party and celebrate with you! However, being part of a wedding can become a costly endeavor.

Consider how much money you are asking your wedding party to spend.  For the ladies, there’s the bridesmaids dress, the shoes, jewelry, hair and make-up, not to mention they threw you an awesome shower and bachelorette party!  For the gentlemen, again, you are asking them to rent/buy a suit or tux, shoes and… well lucky for them, they don’t have many other accessories!  But that bachelor party was pretty awesome, right?

In addition, there might be additional travel costs, overnight accommodations, extra meals, snacks and travel supplies.

Ease the strain on their pocketbook by allowing the girls to pick a dress that fits into their budget.  Or choose something they can truly wear again.  Pick up the bill for the girl’s hair and/or makeup, or give them the option to do it themselves.  The jewelry can also make a nice bridesmaid gift.  Consider letting the groomsmen wear their own shoes.  Or find an inexpensive suit that the guys can purchase and wear again.

The Guests: 

                                                                                                                                                            All photos beautifully captured by Shannon Scott Photography {Smug Shots}

Last but not least, be considerate of your guests.  They have traveled from near and far to celebrate with you, so focus a little on their comfort.

Welcome bags at the hotel can be a great way to start their trip.  If most of the guests are from out of town, you may want to plan a couple extra activities for the day leading up to and after the wedding.  Providing a little information about the local area’s sights and attractions can also be a nice touch.

If your wedding is more of a local affair, then focus more on the little details (which are actually a pretty big deal!) How long will your guests have to wait between the ceremony and the reception?  Will there be a cocktail hour to keep them entertained, or is it long enough that they can run home for a bit?

Is your wedding outside in the middle of July?  Providing shaded seating or personal fans would be greatly appreciated. Remember last summer when you went out to eat and the restaurant had the air conditioning cranked up so high that you spent you evening shivering in your cute little tank top?  Do you remember your meal?  Probably not, the focus was on your discomfort.  Same applies for your guests.  If they’re really uncomfortable (too hot, too cold or in really uncomfortable seats), that is what they will remember about your wedding, not all the cute DIY details that you spend hours working on.

While managing a restaurant here in Grand Rapids, the owner once told me, guests don’t notice when you do things right, but they notice when things are done wrong.  For example, they won’t notice that you took care that the music was at the perfect volume, but if it’s too loud, they’ll certainly remember that.

And of course you cannot please everyone, so don’t let this be an extra stress on your big day; just take a moment to consider others.  It is ultimately your day, and I am no discounting that by any means.  Have fun and enjoy being surrounded by those that you love!