faith

Just a little recap from earlier in this story, I was feeling a nudge to leave my comfortable job and to spend more time with my family, while focusing more on what matters in life.  I acted on that, but perhaps I stepped in the wrong direction… (for more, read part 1 here.)

It seemed everywhere I turned there were signs pointing me in another direction.  That spring and summer our pastor preached countless sermons on taking leaps of faith, and not just being contented but also fulfilled in life.  I cannot remember the entire message, but one Sunday in particular he spoke about the ABC’s:

A – We get super excited about something new.  We are absolutely on fire and cannot wait for our journey to begin.

B – The road becomes a bit more difficult.  Challenges arise and the journey seems too long.  We cannot see the end of our path.

It’s at this point that many people turn back.  They look for a new point A, a new beginning.  Inevitably, difficulties will arise again (point B) and so the search for another A also begins and it’s a vicious cycle of never seeing anything through.

C – However, point C brings the fruits of our labor.  If we can just push through those difficult times, we can reap the rewards and be fired up once more.  The message was aimed right at me, I knew it to the depths of my soul.  Point A was over so I left my job and now in my new job had gone through A and B, but it didn’t even seem worth continuing on to C.  And I was paralyzed by fear.

So much fear.   I didn’t know what I was doing.  I had this idea to start my own event design and planning company for years now, but it was such a distant daydream.  It was just a hobby, people don’t support their families doing stuff like this!  And did I mention, I was pregnant?

And then Pastor Brian said something else: are you willing to fail for God?  Wow.

I cannot say that my next actions made any sense at all.  I began researching all the wedding planning businesses in the area (and there are A LOT).  The market seemed like it was becoming saturated.  I couldn’t figure out if this was a smart move in business.  But I began writing a business plan anyway.

I have made many of my first moves in fear.  I have never been an outgoing person and I hate being the center of attention.  I have reached out to other vendors and tried to live reminding myself that they can’t say anything more than “no.”  But “no” is a scary word.  It gets you questioning everything you do, wondering if you’re good enough, smart enough and talented enough.  I keep me reminding myself that I am enough (and if you need a reminder about that, I highly encourage you to read this post by my good friend Kellie – who I would not have met without having started this “scary” business).

I am a control freak and I like to have all my ducks in a row, with a perfect plan in place before I start anything (I’m an event planner, remember??).  I am fearful of starting anything without first knowing exactly where I’m going and exactly how I’m going to get there.  But lately I feel like I’ve been feeling another nudge…

Countless people in the wedding industry lately have been posting tidbits about anxiety and how “done” is better than perfect.  “A year from now, what will you wish you had started today?”  Quotes about fear and rejection have been popping up all over my Facebook and Instagram feeds.  I’ve already of made a couple of mistakes and wish I would have done some things differently in this little baby business of mine, and I don’t like that feeling.  I think it’s that icky feeling that’s holding me back.

What are these feelings holding me back from and where is this nudge leading?  Don’t worry, I’m not leaving The Day’s Design, I love this business that I have created, I just have the notion that it could be more.  There are more services to offer and more opportunities awaiting, but am I ready for them?

As you read this, I know what you’re thinking, “You felt like you needed to make and different and do something that matters and you chose wedding planning??”  It’s okay, I had that moment too!  But a wedding is a huge deal!  It’s so much more than just a pretty celebration; it’s a recognition of a commitment, not only between man and wife but a commitment to God.  I want to be a part of that!  I want to utilize the talents He has given me. I want to help create a beautiful start to the rest of each couple’s lives.

So what’s next for The Day’s Design?  A step forward.  I need my grandma’s faith in me.  I need faith in myself.  And most of all, I need to have faith in God.  I must overcome fear.

The above print and quote is from Lara Casey, such an amazing woman and inspiration.  You can find it here.