The Day's Journal

Finding beauty in the everyday pieces of life

business advice

Less Work More Life

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Less Work More Life | The Day's Design | Katie Grace Photography

Photography: Katie Grace Photography

If you follow me on Instagram then you’ve probably noticed that I’ve been completing the #risingtidechallenge this week. (If you haven’t heard about the Rising Tide Society, you can read more about it here.) Today is day 4 of the challenge and it’s all about living life, backing away from work and focusing on why we’re doing things – what matters most.

I’ve been contemplating how I’m going to answer this challenge. Obviously it’s my family that I’m working so hard for. It’s so I can help support, put food on the table and assist in keeping a roof over our heads. I work from home so we don’t have to put our kids in daycare, so we can have fun family movie nights and put up a glittering Christmas tree that will be loved all day long. I work for my clients, being a part of their stories and bringing their celebrations to life.  But secretly, I work for myself too. Because truth be told, I wouldn’t be happy if I wasn’t working towards something. I’m not the type of person to be content without a dream and a little dirt under my nails. And I work so I can keep on dreaming.

This morning, however, I had a breakdown. I was up against a naughty toddler, deadlines and the wish the take a shower. I keep getting thrown into the category of a “stay at home mom”, as if I had no obligations other than my children, and it boils my blood. I work from home, I take care of two little girls while I’m crafting backdrops, answering emails, blogging, finding caterers, processing flower orders, etc. I challenge any of you with 9:00-5:00 jobs to take your kids with you for a day or two, you might not be able to keep your jobs for long. That’s how I feel. So as such, I often find myself stretched a little thin. It doesn’t always feel like a blessing to be able to stay at home with my girls all day. At times it feels more like a trap. Some days I just feel cursed. That’s how I felt this morning.

Going back to focusing why I’m doing what I’m doing – and sometimes I just can’t channel the gratitude and response that I know I should be writing. I should have just posted a big old picture of my family on Instagram, said they’re what matter most and moved on with my day. But at the moment it just didn’t feel sincere. I’m the type that would rather stay silent then just say what everyone wants to hear.

And then Willa June smiled at me. It was more than just a smile, there was a twinkle in her little 9 month old eye. We connected in a way that was just beyond route diaper changes and feedings. It was then I realized that I couldn’t let someone else watch her and take that away from me. These are mommy moments and they’re mine.

This is for all the entrepreneurs and family-preneurs out there – it seems like others have it all together. It seems like so many others have figured out how to do and have it all. But I’m challenging you to realize that it’s a rollercoaster ride. Some days are beautiful and productive and some days I’m in yoga pants, shower-less and wishing that I had never had kids. Even though it seems like it, I know I cannot possibly be the only one who feels like the minority. I can’t gush about my kids and husband 24/7 because while I love them all dearly, sometimes they drive me absolutely to the edge.

I work so I can have a life – whatever that life may be. I work so my dreams can become bigger dreams and someday reality. I work so my family can be a part of that life and those dreams, constantly seeking the balance between the two. And maybe someday I can also be part of my baby girls’ dreams, whatever they will be.

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Family: Your Best & Worse Fans

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Burgundy Peony Centerpiece | The Day's Deisgn | Ashley Slater Photography

Photography: Ashley Slater Photography

To my dearest family and friends – I love you all so much and thank you for reading my blog. This is not aimed at anyone in particular and please don’t take offense, this is written as a generalized business note. Please continue to be my biggest cheerleaders and best fans (and send lots of clients my way!). xo

You remember that episode of Friends where Monica is asked to cater her mother’s fancy party, but her mom has very little faith in her and so she sticks a few lasagnas in the freezer just in case she “pulls a Monica”? Does that feeling ever seem all too familiar?

Our families tend to be a biggest fans and worst critics. They’ll tell you they love you and believe in you, but then put a backup meal in the freezer. I’ve worked 30 + weddings on my own, made hundreds of flower arrangements and have a pretty awesome portfolio to prove it. But when they ask me to plan one teeny little party or create a small bouquet, they’re constantly checking in on me – like I don’t know what I’m doing. What gives?

Our family and friends have the very best of intentions, but sometimes they’re actually doing more harm than good. They try to give you good business advice. They tell you where to advertise and who to network with. They want to cheer you on. And they’ve been by your side as you grow. They watched your hobby become your career. They were there when your blog had 2 readers and they’re still there now that you have 200+ a day. The problem is, unlike an outsider, a new bride/client/business contact or whomever, they’ve seen you at your lowest and it’s hard to remember that you’ve grown up.

Think of your best friend from high school. Remember her snot-nosed little kid brother? How old is he? 11? He’ll forever be 11 in your mind, it’s hard to see him now that he’s 25 and a grown man starting a family – he’s just a kid! I suppose it’s the same for your family and your business. I’ll always be a little girl.

To conquer this – build yourself a kick butt website and show them! I still find myself having to fight the urge to roll my eyes when a friend of mine asks if I have a website. Of course I do, and it’s really impressive and helps me book some amazing couples. And I’ve been published, lots. I have great reviews. I might work out of my garage sometimes, but hey, everyone has to start somewhere. I was fully booked this summer, so someone somewhere believes in me.

Then remember that your family isn’t necessarily your “ideal client”. They may or may not have any familiarity in your industry and they don’t know who the key players are and how your work compares. They don’t stay current on wedding trends. They don’t know that your flower arrangements hardly hold a candle to Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s because they haven’t seen Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s work. So take their compliment whether it’s your best work or if you’ve seen better. Your brides might not have seen Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s work either, and even if they have, they’ve come to you for a reason.

Step back from your friends weddings. Sure it’s flattering to be asked to be a part of a celebration of someone who is so close to you. And I love it when Mom sends a client my way. But again, sometimes they aren’t the right fit. Maybe they saw your website and passed and then Mommy told them all about her amazingly talented daughter (that’s you!) and they revisited it. Your mom might give you a little attitude for not taking it on, but your works suffers when you aren’t inspired, there’s a reason they didn’t connect with you right away. In the end, you probably did all parties involved a favor by understanding that you don’t have to work with every client that comes your way.

My advice it to take it all with a grain of salt. Whether it’s Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s business advice or a heart to heart with your husband or Mom and Dad, you have to go with your gut. Don’t do things because someone else did or told you to. If it doesn’t feel right, it won’t turn out right because you must stay true to yourself. Not all paths to success are the same, you must find your own.

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