blogging

Planning Marriage

1 · Dec 4, 2018 ·

Working in the wedding industry means I’m surrounded by weddings and marriage all the time. I devote my weekends in the summer to celebrating with couples and those long winter days to helping them decorate and plan. But those days are devoted to the wedding, not the marriage. We often use those words together, understanding how closely the two are related and sometimes even wrongly interchanging them, but they’re not the same, not even close.

Even doing what I do for a living, I wouldn’t call myself an expert in either of these areas, marriage or weddings. There’s always more work to be done. Always something more to learn. Always an area for improvement. Planning either of them is not easy.

7 years ago when I began writing in this little corner of the internet, I wanted to talk about the topic of marriage. But my courage waivered. I was barely more than a newlywed myself and what did I know? The ironic part of that is I would write about wedding planning as if I knew something, and yet I knew so little, being in the baby stages of my planning business as well.

I still don’t think it’s an easy topic to chat about. It’s much easier to write about changing leaves, decorating a new house or what flowers are in season on your wedding day. It’s not nearly as superficial as these topics that I easily post about. I’ve been quiet here because, well life is busy, but also because of the fight against what needs to be said. Because it is a fight. Each and every day, a fight to the death to keep your marriage alive.

When you’re first engaged, and are unsure of the first steps of planning a wedding, where do you turn? One might ask their mom, their best friend or hire a professional. There’s no shame in being uncertain of the steps needed to plan a wedding. There are articles after article posted online and hundreds of magazines and similar publications dedicated to helping people plan this one day. But it’s ONE day.

Who’s helping plan the marriage? A marriage that is FOREVER? Where are the exposés at the checkout lane promoting couples staying together, loving one another and never giving up? It’s easier to degrade your spouse then lift them up. It’s hard to admit that we don’t naturally know the secret to a successful marriage. Loving one another isn’t quite as easy as it seems because we’re all selfish people and marriage is an act of selflessness, completely giving yourself to another person. The idea of turning to an expert for help isn’t quite as socially acceptable. So we all struggle. Have days of failure. And so many couples in the end, find it much easier just to give up.

I am one teeny tiny voice in a world of so many. I have had good days of marriage and bad. But I have a voice that understands the struggle and can sympathize with the battle that is before you. So if you’ve ever read one of my articles about wedding planning, decorating a bedroom or setting a holiday table, I urge you to read up on marriage. How can I claim to be a lifestyle blogger if I won’t talk about this most important of topics? What have you done for your marriage today?

Photography: Cory Weber Photography

I wrote part of a series on our own marriage study early this year which you can read here. For more reading I recommend starting 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas and watching Ashely with Arrows & Bow’s Instagram highlights – Marriage Talk because YES to cherishing our husbands!

Welcome to TownLine Journal

3 · Mar 27, 2018 ·

When I was in high school, I dreamt of becoming a writer. I scratched down poems, rewrote song lyrics, and started stories, imagined plot lines and scripts for screenplays and novels – all with no audience in mind. I wrote in a journal almost daily, exploring the best way to convey thoughts and emotions and the pen became a form of comfort and therapy for me.

However, I never let anyone read any of my work. It was too personal. Too close to my heart. And in hindsight, I suppose I was afraid that someone else might critique it, say it was bad and crush my little dream. Even in my creative writing and English courses, I never let anyone besides my teachers read my writings. I hated having to do peer reviews, or when one of my pieces were selected to read aloud, it was like one of my biggest nightmares was coming true. My thoughts were being exposed to the world.

I started The Day’s Dream Journal five years ago. It’s become my space to share wedding planning ideas, advice topics and sometimes little snippets of what’s on my heart. It’s been an extension of my wedding portfolio and a part of my business that I have very much enjoyed. But I’ve felt as though I had artistic limitations – mostly self-imposed limitations – but limitations just the same. My creative realm and interest extend far beyond just my wedding and floral work and often I want to share more. The Day’s Dream was born of wedding hopes and the dream of what I hoped The Day’s Design might become, but it’s not a space were I felt I could fully express all of our country adventures, share my thoughts on marriage or decorate beyond a wedding venue. I desire to be more than just pretty pictures and empty imagery.

The fear of criticism has been all too real for this space as well. Oddly enough, my very first comment on my blog was a very negative one, completely ripping apart the post. It was spam, auto generated by a mean computer program, but at the time I was crushed and didn’t realize it’s faults, as I was excited to read my first piece of “fan mail”. Today, I’m not longer seeking fans, but rather seeking to be source of inspiration, praise, cheer and support to others.

With that, I am announcing the end of The Day’s Dream and introduce you to TownLine Journal.

This will be a space filled with purpose. There’s a mission that’s been laid on my heart and I introduce this new site with the following aim in mind-
• To be the voice of calm in the chaos
• To encourage others (in marriage, motherhood, business and life)
• To show hospitality to others
• Provide a guide to purposeful wedding planning
• Extend love beyond the wedding day
• Find beauty in the everyday trials of life

Photography: Hetler Photography

I have a friend who has shared with me that her love language is quality time. She repeatedly faces the obstacle of her husband working long hours as seasons of life are spent apart from one another. She believes God gave her this challenge in life to be an encouragement to others. I whole heartedly believe this, as she’s already provided reassurance to me. I have experienced blessing from her struggle and the wisdom it’s provided. She’s become an inspiration to me, and I feel that we all can learn from one other, gather together in fellowship and create strong families and relationships.

Welcome to the TownLine Journal.

PS – a new domain and a few other updates are coming soon!

When to Break the Blogging & Business “Rules”

0 · Feb 26, 2016 ·

Love Letters and Lace | The Day's Design | Wildfield Paper Co | Ashley Slater Photography

Calligraphy: Wildfield Paper Co | Photography: Ashley Slater Photography | Styling: The Day’s Design

What do I have to offer the world today?

A fellow blogger posed this question and it’s been bubbling around on my brain for month’s now. Ever read something that another writer, or even friend, has posted online and wondered why on Earth are you telling me this? I have those moments all the time. Why did the world need to know that?

Something very few people (if anyone) knows about me is that I used to daydream about being a writer. I would write short stories, dream up scripts for plays, novels and had collections of poetry. And I kept a journal. But my journal wasn’t a pretty little notebook with flowery thoughts and aspirations, it was a mass collective of random papers, paragraphs and ideas I’d scribbled down during calculus class or angry letters to ignored crushes. My journal was anywhere I could find a scrap of paper, napkins, post-it notes – you name it, I was resourceful and could then stuff them in my purse or pocket only to be discovered later or perhaps never even relived again. It was this way for me to vent and clear my head and figure out what I was really feeling. And usually they were deep, dark and often angry. Those are the moments I most feel the need to pick up my pen.

The thing about these writings is they were never really meant for an audience. I couldn’t easily share them with anyone and most people don’t even know of their existence. I had a poem or two that I’d read to a boyfriend on very rare occasion, but never my mother, best friend or even an English teacher – they were much too personal and I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone critiquing my work.

Creative writing was always my elective course of choice. I guess you could look at this as sort of a foreshadow of things to come. Never did I think that I would post writings online, I rarely even update my Facebook status because it is simply “none of your business”.

But from what I have read of “successful blogging” is you must be consistent, follow the 3 part story structure and most of all, have something worthwhile to share with the world today. Those are all three things that I really struggle with – and perhaps that’s why my blog isn’t “successful”. Why would anyone want to read what I want to share with the world? However, I mentally turned a little switch and decided to break these rules and no longer look at this as merely an informative wedding blog but rather my journal. My writer’s block has decreased. I feel like I just gave myself some freedom to be myself and write whatever I want – not what you’d want to read on a “wedding blog”. And I’ve actually had a very slight increase in readership.

So, what do I have to offer the world today? This – be yourself. Don’t do something because it seems like that might be the “rule” of business or “the way” things are done. If it don’t feel right, then stop. Simple enough, right? Just be yourself.

Shelby signature

And a little side rant – I hate the word blog. It so harsh and not poetic at all as it rolls off your tongue, it’s like you just spat the word out. Plus it reminds me of Pogs which gives me a little 4^th grade flashback.

Family: Your Best & Worse Fans

0 · Oct 15, 2015 ·

Photography: Ashley Slater Photography

To my dearest family and friends – I love you all so much and thank you for reading my blog. This is not aimed at anyone in particular and please don’t take offense, this is written as a generalized business note. Please continue to be my biggest cheerleaders and best fans (and send lots of clients my way!). xo

You remember that episode of Friends where Monica is asked to cater her mother’s fancy party, but her mom has very little faith in her and so she sticks a few lasagnas in the freezer just in case she “pulls a Monica”? Does that feeling ever seem all too familiar?

Our families tend to be a biggest fans and worst critics. They’ll tell you they love you and believe in you, but then put a backup meal in the freezer. I’ve worked 30 + weddings on my own, made hundreds of flower arrangements and have a pretty awesome portfolio to prove it. But when they ask me to plan one teeny little party or create a small bouquet, they’re constantly checking in on me – like I don’t know what I’m doing. What gives?

Our family and friends have the very best of intentions, but sometimes they’re actually doing more harm than good. They try to give you good business advice. They tell you where to advertise and who to network with. They want to cheer you on. And they’ve been by your side as you grow. They watched your hobby become your career. They were there when your blog had 2 readers and they’re still there now that you have 200+ a day. The problem is, unlike an outsider, a new bride/client/business contact or whomever, they’ve seen you at your lowest and it’s hard to remember that you’ve grown up.

Think of your best friend from high school. Remember her snot-nosed little kid brother? How old is he? 11? He’ll forever be 11 in your mind, it’s hard to see him now that he’s 25 and a grown man starting a family – he’s just a kid! I suppose it’s the same for your family and your business. I’ll always be a little girl.

To conquer this – build yourself a kick butt website and show them! I still find myself having to fight the urge to roll my eyes when a friend of mine asks if I have a website. Of course I do, and it’s really impressive and helps me book some amazing couples. And I’ve been published, lots. I have great reviews. I might work out of my garage sometimes, but hey, everyone has to start somewhere. I was fully booked this summer, so someone somewhere believes in me.

Then remember that your family isn’t necessarily your “ideal client”. They may or may not have any familiarity in your industry and they don’t know who the key players are and how your work compares. They don’t stay current on wedding trends. They don’t know that your flower arrangements hardly hold a candle to Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s because they haven’t seen Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s work. So take their compliment whether it’s your best work or if you’ve seen better. Your brides might not have seen Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s work either, and even if they have, they’ve come to you for a reason.

Step back from your friends weddings. Sure it’s flattering to be asked to be a part of a celebration of someone who is so close to you. And I love it when Mom sends a client my way. But again, sometimes they aren’t the right fit. Maybe they saw your website and passed and then Mommy told them all about her amazingly talented daughter (that’s you!) and they revisited it. Your mom might give you a little attitude for not taking it on, but your works suffers when you aren’t inspired, there’s a reason they didn’t connect with you right away. In the end, you probably did all parties involved a favor by understanding that you don’t have to work with every client that comes your way.

My advice it to take it all with a grain of salt. Whether it’s Mr. Big Fancy Pants Designer’s business advice or a heart to heart with your husband or Mom and Dad, you have to go with your gut. Don’t do things because someone else did or told you to. If it doesn’t feel right, it won’t turn out right because you must stay true to yourself. Not all paths to success are the same, you must find your own.

Silence on the Social Front

0 · Jul 22, 2015 ·

It saddens me that nearly a month has passed since my last post. I love blogging. I love sharing tidbits, advice and thoughts about weddings and life in general with all my amazing readers. So when busy takes over and I cannot find a moment to clear my head, write a sentence or much less format a post that’s worth reading, I find myself a little depressed.

It all comes down to priorities. I’m still dreaming of flowers, ribbons and foraging for the most perfect accents for each and every bridal bouquet. I am scheming up designs, laying out floor plans, creating flower recipes and timelines. But being a wedding planner is a selfless profession. It takes an enormous amount of dedication to each and every couple. It’s their needs that are put first, not my own. While I try to find balance in as many places as I possibly can, I always know that my clients come first. It’s their once in a lifetime experience that’s important, not my need to share what I’m up to with the world.

To the outside world, when things become quiet on the social media front it appears that we are doing nothing, we’re not busy and have little to share. To anyone in the wedding industry, we know that this is when we’re our busiest making wedding dreams come true.

Here’s just a peak at one of those dreamy days that we were honored to be a part of. Wishing the happiest of marriages to Hallie and Eric.

Photo by Bradley James Photography, from our wedding together last weekend in Ludington.

Bloom

0 · Mar 27, 2014 ·

One morning I woke up to a completely out of the blue email from dear Ashley, of Ashley Slater Photography. She wanted to work with me sometime. Me? Yes, me! A friendship quickly blossomed between the two of us as we realized our similar interests – weddings, Disney movies, babies and God – it was as if we were destine to become friends.

The amount of friendships that have blossomed in similar such manor since I have taken the plunge into the wedding industry has quite remarkable. In fact, it has been one of my favorite yet most unexpected parts of this journey.

Have you ever read someone’s online profile and just know the two of you would be friends? It happens, almost like in internet dating. Almost.

When Ashley told me about this workshop that she was dreaming up, her excitement was absolutely contagious. And then she told me that she was partnered with Michaela and I just knew something fabulous was in the works and I needed to be a part! I haven’t met this California girl yet, but I’m certain our virtual friendship will become something more when I see her face in June.

Bloom | The Workshop is the dream turned reality coming to West Michigan. And while the only credit I can take is adding some pretty petals to their website, I’m so excited for these ladies and I cannot wait for them to share their creative talents and business strategies with all of you. Yes, you! You – the attendees that I have not met yet, but will see more of my flowers throughout that day. You – sitting there thinking you wish you knew how to photograph and style some gorgeous content for your blog. You – the one who’s thinking they might actually take the plunge and start a blog or another completely awesome creative business. Or you – you who needs a big hug and a team of creatives to lean on as your journey through life.

Registration opened TODAY… go grab a seat! Or read a little more from the geniuses behind the workshop, Ashley and Michaela.

Everyone is “So Excited!”

0 · Mar 13, 2014 ·

Photo by Heather Cisler Photography

Do you ever feel like everyone is just bursting with excitement and you just can’t seem to keep up with all of it? Is everything really “so exciting”? I follow a lot of people in the wedding industry across social media and on any given day there’s always someone who’s trying to build excitement and suspense about some big project that they can’t tell you about yet or something new coming soon, etc, etc.

Why is this? It starting to annoy me… even though I’m completely guilty of this myself.

While usually I love to see others succeed and it definitely feels good to be surrounded by celebration and good news – there are definitely days I just want to scream “I don’t care!”

Here’s the truth. Our businesses are like our babies. We pour our hearts and souls into them. You posted your baby’s first smiles, first steps, first time eating solid foods (or if you’re not there yet – trust me, you will… even if you claim you never want to be one of “those parents”). As a mama and a business owner, I can tell you there are so many similarities its a little ridiculous. So we post and brag about all of our new accomplishments and milestones. It’s big news to us, even if the outside world might just see it as “another blog post” or “another styled shoot” or “a new service offered”.

So next time someone tries to post some super exciting news do your best to be their cheerleader and not roll your eyes. We can do this together… go team!

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